Daddy Update...

[armanya]

Right, some of you asked me to update about what went on with my father, this is a bit of a non update but I guess a good chance for me to write down a few feelings on what's going on....

Firstly, thanks to every single person who wrote me a comment about it, they all helped, truly, it was nice to get different viewpoints on the problem and it sort of really helped me step back from the situation and realize what I need and want from it.

So, not much happened really. I didn't hear back from him so I wrote him an email to let him know exactly how I felt and what I wanted... and I left him my new phone number and messenger details too, to make it even easier for him to get in touch.

That was a week ago now and I haven't had any reply though he has liked some of my facebook statuses?! :S

Yeeaahhh... I'm not sure what's up with that. But it's weird how relieved I feel, in a way. I just realized that while I expected it to be harder to handle the lack of committment when he actually knows how bad it makes me feel, it's actually easier to handle now. Because I can't make up excuses anymore, I have to accept that he either doesn't care that much or he is just incapable of showing it.

And I think, despite everything, I am ok with that. It's like I just let go of a little tiny glimmer of hope and an imaginary father that I have clung to since I was seven years old, and doing so made me realise that I don't even need that security blanket anymore. I'm just fine standing on my own two feet, with people who actually care about me closeby. :)

Comments

[tearingitdown3.livejournal.com]

You're welcome. I'm glad you are okay and accepting of how things are. You're right you did what you could to get to know him. What he does with that is up to him. I hope he wants to be in your life. You seem like a great person.

[vagarical.livejournal.com]

Thanks. :)Yah, it feels good to know that the ball is all in his court now. I did what I could.

[tearingitdown3.livejournal.com]

Anytime. I say it does. A big weight has been lifted. You sure did. You can only do so much. Now,it's his turn.

[ashton12.livejournal.com]

I'm soo glad you've reach a point of contentment (is that even a word? haha) with this situation..

You don't need a fully supportive father to be a productive adult. It seems as though you've accomplished that without him. So you need to just "keep on keepin on" and if he misses out on ANY aspect of your life, then that's his problem, his loss.

I mean.. (I'm realllly sorrryyy if this offends you or is rude) but what do you really have to lose? What you're losing is the idea in your mind of what your father was, not REALLY your father because it seems he was never around enough to be have a prominant role.. again, besides what you thought he should be.

Glad you're working this out, good luck (:

[vagarical.livejournal.com]

Thank you. :)

And no that wasn't rude! I didn't even realize until the past few weeks that I do really still cling onto the idea of my imaginary father and that was sort of the only reason I felt like I needed him in my life.

What you said is completely right, I didn't really lose anything. Well, anything but some extra baggage that I didn't want to keep anyway. ^^